My school serves ice cream. Does your school serve ice cream? (Taken with instagram)
My mum cares about me more than anything in the whole world, yet he wants me to stay young and obediant, and never question anything she says. She doesnt want me to grow up. A simple discussion can turn into an arguement. Dont get me wrong, i live my mum more than anything, but the fact that she wont let me grow up and question her to learn. I mean. Im a 21st century international student. Less than 0.1% of the world population receive an education even close to mine, yet she would be perfectly happy for me to reject this blessing and just live as society’s puppet, without my own personal views.
And i think her views have affected my social life. I continuously let this get walk all over me, us me for academic crap and then stab me in the back, but i cant get away from this destructive friendship because i dont know how. Instead of teaching me to stand up for myself, my mum encourages me to just take it, and move on. This means people use me for my brains every second of every day, and for a long time i though that was what constituted friendship. Only in 2011 did i find friends who actually liked me for who i was as a person. And now in India i h e a mixture. I have some really smart friends who dont need my help, but they look down on me for being such a pushover. Then i have some averagely intelligent friends who i help with stuff and it doesnt bother me because i know they actually like me. And then i have the guys, because it always invariably men, who are too lazy to work for themselves and i help them because they dont want to help themselves.
1) I need to stand up for myself and stop being such a pushover. I might lose some friends, but i guess those people wouldnt have been true friends anyway
2) I need to break off all unhealthy friendship and find people who empower me instead of bring me down
3) I need to make more friends, because the more people you know, the more connections you have. Believe me, in the intenational life connections mean everything
4) I need to stop hating myself for being weak, and instead channel that energy into being optimistic and constructive
5) I need to actually follow thse rules instead of going back to my usual, destructive routine.
im sorry. i really am. the whole ‘it’s just emma’ thing just really gets to me. like when we’re all having friendly banter, and then something goes too far and the excuse for it is ‘well it’s just emma’ i mean seriously. am i not important enough to care about as an individual? do i not have feelings like everyone else at the table? i know im looking into it way too much but its bothering me way more than it should be. i shouldnt be so fixated on acception, but i hate it when im belittled like that. when im not enough of a person to matter. but do i have the backbone to stand up for myself? yes. yes i do. does anyone listen? no. i mean is there something about me that just makes me prone to this? its not just the guys at this school. all around the world, every school, every year, i’m just emma. i can stand out and be as unique and individual as possible, but i’ll always be just emma to the guys. why? why cant just one guy think im more than just emma. i know im still a bit young for ‘the one’ and ‘love’ and everything and its all just social pressures, but im forced to live in this society and im forced to conform to societies expectations to be accepted into society, and i know this is the biggest ‘first world problem’ shit ever made… but come on. is it too much to ask just for one man to think im special? special is the wrong word… or is it?
Alien 2: Yes, but they call it dubstep and dance to it.
